Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Advice for Soccer Fans


American soccer fans, it's okay that you like soccer. It's even okay that you honestly think that soccer is a better sport than such all-American classics as football, basketball, and baseball. However, you would be well-served to remember some important rules concerning soccer fan-dom:
  • Do not refer to soccer as football. You live in America. Use American terminology. I don't case that the rest of the world calls it football. We call it soccer here.
  • It's fine that your favorite team is European. Lord knows that MLS teams can't inspire much enthusiasm. But refer to the Eurpoean city where that team is based by its English name. It's Rome, not Roma and Seville, not Sevilla. You don't want to sound like you popped out of a bad Saturday Night Live skit, do you?
  • In America, when using a city name to refer to a sports team, we use a singular verb. For example, "Houston was unable to muster much effective offense, leaving 26 men on base while scoring only 2 runs." Using a plural verb makes you sound like a British poseur: "Chelsea were unable to mount an effective attack because the slow pace of the match and the general pointlessness of the sport caused them to fall asleep before the half."

2 comments:

Orion said...

Are you joking!? First off,your stupid American football SUCKS!(So does baseball!) Soccer fans should have no problem calling their sport football because when we play it, we actually USE OUR FEET! Secondly, when we're supporting a foreign team, we like to call it by its REAL NAME!
Also, in soccer, we really have a World cup. It,s played for by all the qualifying countries IN THE WORLD! Baseball may call it the world series, but its only watched and played in AMERICA!(maybe Japan).

P.S. Football SUCKS!

Soletrain said...

Frankly, your argument might be more compelling if it weren't illiterate and unresponsive. Were I FIFA, I would beg you to shut up less you make the sport look more stupid through your incompetent advocacy.